Chemo's keeping me stuck inside, haven't fished in weeks!

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MiPikeGuy

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Location
Upper Michigan
Been struggling as of late with chemo and all of it's wonderful side affects, and honestly it's just really got me down. I really try not to burden my friends or family with how much the whole situation just takes it toll on me. I put a fake smile on and do my best to hide the fact I'm in pain. So I really have no outlet for my frustrations/stress etc. I guess I'm really just trying to blow off steam by posting this, don't really expect anything out of it, other than to maybe help myself get some of it off my chest.

I've taken the whole thing in stride (or so I think) since I was diagnosed roughly 4 years ago at 22, went through chemo, dealt with it, felt better for a while. Used it to my advantage to fish 24/7 and enjoy my "prime" (if you could even call it that). Now I'm right back where I was 4 years ago, if not worse. Stuck inside, constantly sick from the meds, too weak to really do much of anything. I've never been one to just lounge around, yet it seems to be all I can do these days, even worse when everybody insists that I do nothing but rest. I can't even sneak out of the house for 20 minutes of fresh air, or to make a few casts. I can't remember the last time I went 2 days without fishing at least for a few minutes, I haven't touched a rod in weeks.

Idk, I guess the moral of the story is cancer sucks, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
 
Hang in, MiPike...

but feel free to rant against...whatever...sometimes, even the solicitude of folks who care for you.

Often, life just sucks.

My best wishes, bud.
 
The fact that you are ranting away means you got plenty of fight to give. keep going kick its butt and like kismet said feel free to rant anytime, Im more than happy to listen anytime. Stay strong my friend.
 
[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=328572#p328572 said:
03sp500 » Today, 13:57[/url]"]The fact that you are ranting away means you got plenty of fight to give. keep going kick its butt and like kismet said feel free to rant anytime, Im more than happy to listen anytime. Stay strong my friend.

^^^^^^Also!
Have a friend that had to go through three different types of treatment; the last being a bone marrow transplant. He had cancer at 54, and is now in his late 70's.
 
Nobody can walk in your shoes, although lots of us have had trials. In other words, your condition is personal and mostly private, but we can still be with you, so post away. It's good for the soul and those of us who lose track of how fragile life can be will learn from your words.

Hope is a powerful thing. Can you hope? Tell us what you are hoping for?

I'm headed to the river tomorrow to harvest some, salmon, smallies, or whatever comes my way. I'll make you a promise, every ten minutes I'll think of you. How's that? Should be there about 7 hours, so that's a lot of thinks.

Hang in there, life's a snitch. From a fellow Michigander who has walked a hard road a time or two.
 
Wow, thanks for all the kind words guys.

I try to hope, but it's hard when the Dr.'s more or less tell me it's hopeless. They tell me they "might" be able to shrink it (which it did before) but it came back twice as strong afterwards. My migraines are worse than ever, my neck is swelled up like some crazy science experiment, yadda yadda yadda.

I guess what hurts the worst is seeing the look on my girlfriends face everytime I'm sick or in pain. If it was just me I had to worry about it, it would be one thing, but she doesn't deserve this kind of pain, regardless of her love for me. I know she wants a family and I'm pretty sure chemo fried my chances of that, considering we've been trying for a couple years now, and I know it bothers her. I also can't help but feel inadequate, money is always an issue, especially driving 60miles one way to treatment repeatedly. I feel like the hole is constantly getting deeper, and though I may be "healthy" or feel better at some point, I'm so far behind already that I feel I'll never be able to provide like I should for not just me, but her and with any luck, a family.

Again, thank you guys so much, an outside perspective is definitely nice to have. None of you had to reply to to me whining :lol: Feels good to get it off my chest.

I'm sure this won't be last last rant seeing as this is just my first cycle, and I'm just going to get sicker as the days/weeks progress, and eventually lead into radiation therapy along with chemo.
 
You can beat this s.o.b. disease !, be strong....be positive and i wish you a recovery that will blow your doctor away !, also believe in God !.....i myself don't practice religion but i believe in God and Jesus !,when you get better come fish in Canada !!!
 
Ain't "whining," it is expressing your frustration at a condition which YOU, personally, can not wrestle into submission. You are expressing it to guys who understand, mostly, and many of whom may have either dealt with something similar, or have loved ones who did.

And yeah, your girlfriend...kind of what I meant about..."the solicitude" of others. Sometimes you just feel ANGUISH at their situation, and (although it is silly), guilty about being the source of it.

But, you know, that anguish they feel is a manifestation of the love they have for you; they wouldn't prefer to not love you. And...unlike you at times, I'm sure, they don't want it to be "over." They want you in their lives for as long as possible.

Pretty much, so do we.
 
Post away MiPikeGuy. We.ll read and cheer regardless.
Down time to rest is great,the first several hours.
My partner in hunting capers is bed ridden yet again for months,its awful.Makes my woes trivial.
Being able to vent helps,some b.s. sessions too!
You know,like the day some one wanted to mark the fishing hot spot (pre g.p.s.)and some one suggested drawing a circle around the boat with chalk. :---)
 
I appreciate it guys, I really do, more than you know. None of you had to take the time out of your day to try and cheer me up.

And you're spot on Kismet, that's pretty much exactly how I feel. Even though I agree it is silly. At the same time I also worry she's going to leave me, even though I have no reason to think so, other than me knowing that she deserves better. As self-loathing as that might sound. Doesn't help that my last girlfriend couldn't handle this whole situation either and left me after several cycles of chemo when I was at my sickest. I can't see Nicole leaving me, but it's always there in my mind and worrying doesn't help at all.

Winter right around the corner doesn't help either, things need winterized, firewood needs cut/hauled/stacked, sled needs tuned up, with every day the "to-do" list gets bigger and more overwhelming, knowing that once I DO start feeling better, in hopefully a week or two (inbetween cycles) I have a mountain of things to take care of. I know it should be the last thing on my mind, but I just can't help it. Too much pride to ask for help, or too stubborn, take your pick. :wink:

I did manage to get oot and aboot for a little while today, it felt good, too bad the weather wasn't nicer, but hey, that's the U.P. for ya. Also seems like my nausea is under control at least for the moment, so overall I'd say I'm in slightly better spirits. Looking forward to Monday and getting this pump removed so I can at least have some mobility back instead of constantly worrying about pinching the line/breaking the machine.
 
Well, seems a bit much to start imagining troubles, in addition to the ones you already have. Might wait for your Nicole to talk about leaving before you worry about it. Doesn't seem likely, but...hey...you invent as many "issues" as you choose. :D

and..."Winter right around the corner doesn't help either, things need winterized, firewood needs cut/hauled/stacked, sled needs tuned up, with every day the "to-do" list gets bigger and more overwhelming, knowing that once I DO start feeling better, in hopefully a week or two (inbetween cycles) I have a mountain of things to take care of."

Probably best to approach this stuff like you would any other "mountain:" One foot in front of the other. Far as I can tell, that's the way mountains get climbed.

"Too much pride, or too stubborn?" hmmmm. Well, nice of you to keep your problems to yourself, but kind of selfish, isn't it? Ever help anyone yourself? How'd it make you feel? Good? Well, might be the same feeling that other folks get if they are allowed to help you.

Justsayin'

Be gentle with yourself, Mike. It's a lousy situation, but a whole bunch of life is like that.

It is what it is.
 
You're a very wise man Kismet, but for some reason I don't think this is the first time someone's told you that. Everything you say makes perfect sense. It is easy to create issues when I have so much time to sit and think. Hard to keep the mind busy 24/7.

I know everything will get done, my concern isn't so much for us but also my Dad also isn't in the best of shape, nor is my girlfriend's dad and they both tend to look at us for help around this time of year too. Again, just creating issues where I know there really won't be any, but when the mind wanders... As long as I get some venison for the freezer before winter, all is good!

Again you make a very good point, it probably is selfish of me, but I've always tried to be the one lending the helping hand, not vice-versa. It's not always easy to ask for help, which I'm sure you know. People offer help, but I can't expect my friends to leave their wives and kids to help, even though they did offer. Some don't take "no" for an answer and help me get sh!t done, which they know is greatly appreciated and doesn't go unnoticed.

I'm trying my best buddy, you're right it is lousy. It will (with some luck) just be a short chapter in my life, leading up to something much better. I do have hope for that, so all isn't lost!
 
Buddy owns his own wood lot. On occasion he has his wife put a sign out fire wood available on 50/50 split.Between that and some mill slab wood they get by.She has stuck with him for over a decade of paralysis.
Deer herd there took a hit from midges last year. Lost my sweet spot elsewhere where i can hunt comfortable from wheelchair so i,ll be back at buddys with limited numbers, but will hunt!.
We get by cause we don,t quit. Keep goin yooper!It ain,t over yet. \:D/
 
That's a good idea water, luckily my girlfriend's dad is a logger and owns a firewood processor that does make it quite a bit easier.

I feel your pain on nowhere to hunt, we've had people move in on us over the years. I haven't gotten a deer in probably 4 years. I hope you're able to find a sweet spot!

My chemo pump comes off this afternoon, feeling ok other than my mouth is sore as all hell from the chemo, but I'm pluggin along!
 

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