Anyone here have a child with ADHD & Aspergers Syndrome

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ACarbone624

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The past few days have been very very tough. :x

My son has ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome which mean its very hard to hold his attention, follow directions, make friends...and if he doesn't get his way all hell breaks loose. We are currently home schooling him (been about 2 months) because the school teachers can't handle the way he acts and he keeps them so distracted the can't teach the rest of the class. The school has been very difficult to work with.

We currently have 2 different therapists coming to the house every week to work with my son. We have also had him at another program to help him with his behavior but that hasn't helped. We have tried all sorts of different reward systems to try and help with the behavior and outbursts but he just gets bored with them rather quickly and they lose effect.

This whole situation is putting a strain on my marriage because there are times when my wife and I don't agree on how to handle his behavior and how to deal with it. Then my wife and I argue. I am at the point where I want to get a second job just so i don't have to be home at all. My voice is hoarse from me yelling the past few days because that's the only thing that seems to work. I try to make plans to do fun things to keep him occupied based on his rewards that he gets but he always manages to get into trouble and plans get scraped.

My son has had these problems for a few years now so its nothing new...but its really getting to me recently. We have a meeting this week at the school to find out some test results and to see if we can get him into a different class that would help him more. Hopefully if he gets back into school, things will get better. [-o<

Just needed to vent.....
 
Hang in there brother. [-o<

I cant offer any advice not having been in your shoes. Think positive, stay focused and things can hopefully will only get better.
 
Vent away AC - My prays to your and your family. Have faith and keep your cool, just like fishing, patience and persistence solve most problems, or at least make things "dealable."
 
Asperger syndrome is a tough one. My son is ADHD. It was identified by his first grade teacher, who had an ADHD child herself, and, after evaluation, he was formally diagnosed before 2nd grade. We immediately contacted the school district and got him started on a 504 Plan.

How old is your boy ?? Does he have an IEP or 504 plan in place ?? Often the caregivers (read "parents") of these kids require counseling to help them deal with the personal and social issues of raising a child with these problems. I'm not sure if there's anything available, but you might look into that possibly being part of one of the federal programs and the possibility of those costs being picked up by your insurance or it being provided as part of the federally mandated plan you can get you son into. It's worth looking into, for the sake of your marriage and the well-being of your son.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
 
My son just turned 8 years old.

We are getting the results from their testing and setting up the IEP on Tuesday. He already had a behavioral plan in plan so the school wouldn't do a 504 plan. I know by law they are supposed to set up a 504 plan for kids like him. Even the doctors from CHOP said he needs a 504 plan. This school is such a PITA and very hard to deal with. I thought teachers and school staff were supposed to help kids? :x These people seem to do everything bass ackwards in my opinion.
 
From this site....
https://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/?p=53
"You say your district “Does not do 504’s.” Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act is a federal civil rights law that prohibits discrimination against individuals with disabilities. Compliance is not optional. Under Section 504, the child with a disability has equal access to an education. A 504 Plan may include accommodations and modifications. A 504 Plan is not the same as a Child Study Plan."

They give step by step what you need to do to enforce your rights. They DO NOT have a choice and the Federal Government WILL enforce your rights on this one.

Your son is at the age where intervention and a sound plan will make all the difference in his outcome. You need to become his advocate and insist on both his rights and yours.

Each case is different. My son's situation with ADHD is controlled with medication and today he is a junior in high school, an honor student, carrying 3 honors courses.
 
Doc, thanks for the link. My son has been on several medications with various doses. All seem to have very little effect. We have 2 advocates that are going with us to this meeting Tuesday.

Once my son is "classified"...putting a 504 plan in place shouldn't be a problem. That was always their excuse so he didn't have a disability so they didn't have to start the 504 plan. I have never met people like these people before.

Now that the testing is over with and we got the results yesterday, their testing confirms that he has ADHD and Aspergers so they should be able to classify him and get him the help in the areas he needs help in.

Man, I need to go fishing 8)
 
Hey, hang in there. I can't say I know what you're experiencing (I'm only 16, no kids for a while :lol: ), but I'll be keeping you and your situation in my prayers.
 
Prayers for your son and family, My son has something which at this point we keep it between me and the wife. We don't argue about it (I guess yet) cause we are scared still.

Do you and the wife have a support group or is it involved with the plans(504 and such)?
 
All the love for you brother. I know that it is hard enough just raising children, and then to throw something like what you are going through makes it especially tough. Hang in there, get a little fishing in, clear your head, and take a deep breath. Find the lessons in the trials and use them to help you and others around you.
Anytime you need a shoulder, we are here for you.
 
Thank you guys so much for all of your kind words and advice. =D>

We are going to try and find someone we can talk to and figure out how to handle things. The 2 therapists that come every week to work with my son do help us some. Most of their advice is to be persistent and don't give up.

If nothing comes from this meeting Tuesday, I will be writing a formal letter to the Superintendent of the schools about the whole 504 plan situation.
 
All of the above advice is good. My son is DX'ed with classic autism. As you probably know, asperger's is high functioning autism on the spectrum. I know what you are going through. It is extremely tough. We've tetered on the brink of divorce many times. The meltdown's are huge and destructive. I would say study as much as you can about the disorder. Therapy and early intervention are crucial!!! My son is 15 now. We were told he'd never walk or talk. He started talking at about 6, but learned sign language easily. He's come a looong way. It's a constant fight with the school's, but learn the law's and fight for your son. They are about saving money, you are about saving your son. If you know the law's, you'll have the advantage. Do not give up! It's a constant fight. Med's work for some, not in my case though. Get with your doctor and discuss it. There are many available psychotropic meds available. Gotta experiment on the right one and dosage though. Many support group's out there for you. Keep in mind it's not easy on your wife either! You have to work together, or you'll work apart. Divorce rate among parent's of autistic's is about 92%! I've studied the autistic spectrum and all it's co-morbid effect's for about 13 year's now. Usually daily. Plus I live it 24-7. If ya need to talk offline, let me know.
 
Hang in there Anth, Dont know anything bout your situation but I do know you and Momz have to be strong. I would imagine now that he is officially digagnosed they should have a therapy plan you have to follow and that should solve your disagreements. Your in my players Anth.
 
my oldest grandson has what id say was a mild case of it and what works for me with him when he doesnt do as i say is to go right up to him and get his attention and tell him what to do and have him repeat what i said he likes to work with his hands so i try to find something for him to make with me we msde some gusk traps a few weeks a go and had a couple that we didnt finish he got all the parts togather by himself and put them togather .thursday night he had to cut out some stuff for a math problum he just started hacking into the paper i stoped him and explained that he had to cut on the dotted lines just like i have to cut wood on the saw and stay on the pencile mark or the things just dont fit right then he took his time and did it right hes on meds for it my wife says they help him and so does his teachers but iam not sure oh no my 8 year old grand daughter is here telling me i have miss spelled some words
 
ACarbone624 said:
Doc, thanks for the link. ......

Once my son is "classified"...putting a 504 plan in place shouldn't be a problem. That was always their excuse so he didn't have a disability so they didn't have to start the 504 plan. I have never met people like these people before.

I hope I was able to help some. Getting classified is the first step. The schools will do nothing until then. For them, it's all about the Benjamins.

Even after you get a 504 in place, there will be issues that come up. Many of the teachers are not well informed about the problems these kids have and often just don't want to put in the extra effort that the 504 plan requires from them. Being available for extra help and having to allow a student extra time on tests or provide a seperate room, free from distractions for testing, are accomodations that put an extra burden on the teachers that some feel are unwarranted or simply indulgent and unnecessary. Simply put, they are all necessary parts of a comprehensive plan to help the child become all they can be.

Insist on compliance with any accomodations provided and carefully consider your child's needs when you sit down with the school administrators and guidance staff each year to rework the 504 to suit your boy's changing needs. The more involved you can be in your special needs child's life the better their outcome will be.

I wish you and your family all the best. If I can help in any way, don't hesitate to ask. I'm just up the road in Cinnaminson.
 
My child has cerebral palsy so it is a little different than your situation, but we deal with a lot of the same issues.

My daughter is 5 and is in a wheelchair. She has been going to school since she was 3 at a program in our community called head start. It is a small school that accomodates kids with special needs before they go to regular school. She receives all of her physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy at school and is able to interact with other children.

We found a group in our community called Hope Inc. that provides activities and get togethers for special needs children to compete in organized sports, it has been a huge plus in our life to be involved with this organization. We have found that interacting with other parents who are dealing with the same things has helped us very much. This group includes everybody, supports you no matter what, and provides a change of pace for our daughter to get out and do something different.

My advice would be to get involved with any organization you can find in your area. It is great for support and learning more about your child's disease. It helps to know that you are not the only one going through these things. Your son will also benefit and be able to interact with other children who understand him.

The other thing that has helped us very much as well as some of the other families from Hope Inc. is horse therapy. Do some research online for horse therapy in your area and see if you can do some of this. The movement of the horse is very similar to human movement and there is a connection between the horse and the child that is very cool. After horse therapy our daughter is always more relaxed, attentive, and cooperative.

Good luck with the future. Remember you and mom are on the same team. If you find yourself getting agitated with her, step away for a minute, calm down and then come back and talk rationally. Yelling usually doesn't help long term, even though it may work short term.

Thoughts and Prayers.
Nate
 
Thanks Doc and Nate. The meeting is tomorrow at 1:45pm. I will let you guys know the outcome. Thanks for all the advice. 8)
 
I hope everything goes your way. With all the backing you've got and the documentation, they shouldn't give you any trouble. My thoughts are with you. [-o<
 
Sorry to hear about your problems. My mom got me a job while I was going to tech school working at a daycare after hours(usually 3hrs per day). We had one boy, which was about 5yrs old if I remember correctly, which had aspergers. That boy could be the sweetest kid you ever was around if he was happy, but sometimes things would just snap and he was a totally different kid. If something was "just-so", or how he thought it should be....he couldn't handle it. Granted I was only with this boy 3 hours a day, so I really have no idea what your dealing with. I'm sure its tough dealing with him all the time. But just hang in there, try not to let your marriage suffer due to something you and your wife can't really help. But like I said, just hang in there and i'm sure things will work out. [-o<
 
We just got back from the meeting. It went pretty well. They classified him as Autistic.

He was already in the best class for him at the current school. We all agreed that it would be better for my son to be in a different environment.

Monday we are going to check out another school in the district that has some special classes for kids like my son. He will be on the same curriculum. They will have more teachers in the class, maybe 4 or 5 kids to 1 teacher. And they have a good rewards system in place. If these classes check out, he will be transferred there. We are going to see how he does there.

The next option is an out of district school named Bankbridge in Sewell, NJ That specializes in Autistic children. Our district does not like transferring kids this late in the school year out of district...but if it comes to it, that's where he will go. Hopefully my son gets the attention he needs to be successful.

Thank you everyone for all of your advice!
 

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