mtnman
Well-known member
DARWIN AWARDS ARE IN FOR 2007
> >>
> >> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
> >> in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
> >> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> >> SEVENTH PLACE:
> >> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally
> >> zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
> >> daily run.
> >> SIXTH PLACE:
> >> Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
> >> hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers
> >> said
> >> Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
> >> had
> >> been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
> >> collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
> >> the
> >> outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
> >> Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA but could not reach him. It took
> >> rescue
> >> workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
> >> people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
> >> !
> >> FIFTH PLACE:
> >> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he
> >> fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> >> burglarizing.
> >> Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
> >> keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
> >> floor.
> >> FOURTH PLACE:
> >> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
> >> Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
> >> revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
> >> As Ron White often says, ' You can't fix stupid.' These people prove it
> >> is a
> >> terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen.
> >> THIRD PLACE:
> >> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree
> >> in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to
> >> his
> >> lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> >> 1. His target was H&J Leather & firearms; A gun shop specializing in
> >> handguns. 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> >> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
> >> patrol
> >> car parked at the front door. 4. A uniformed officer wa! s stand
> >> ing
> >> at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the
> >> would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a
> >> target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
> >> police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE,
> >> assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom
> >> also
> >> drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
> >> Paramedics.
> >> Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
> >> shop.
> >> The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
> >> rounds from 7 different weapons No one else was hurt in the exchange of
> >> fire.
> >>
> >> HONORABLE MENTION
> >> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
> >> Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick
> >> of
> >> dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
> >> couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
> >> would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
> >> RUNNER UP
> >> TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
> >> several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had
> >> bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.
> >> The
> >> conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
> >> walkway
> >> of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
> >> discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
> >> continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
> >> cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg
> >> and
> >> the other end was tied to the bridge His fall lasted 40 feet before the
> >> cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> >> survived
> >> his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
> >> 'All I can say', said Bingham 'is that God was watching out for me ! on
> >> that
> >> night. There's just no other explanation for it.' Bingham's foot was
> >> never
> >> located.
> >> AND THE WINNER
> >> Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
> >> Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
> >> and
> >> more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up
> >> pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds
> >> of
> >> poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
> >> the
> >> ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
> >> him.
> >> 'The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
> >> Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
> >> unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> >> him'
> >> said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one
> >> there
> >> to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
> >> watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be!
> >> just o ne of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh' happens.'
> >> SEE? YOU REALLY CANNOT FIX STUPID...
> >>
> >> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
> >> in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
> >> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> >> SEVENTH PLACE:
> >> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally
> >> zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
> >> daily run.
> >> SIXTH PLACE:
> >> Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
> >> hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers
> >> said
> >> Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
> >> had
> >> been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
> >> collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
> >> the
> >> outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
> >> Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA but could not reach him. It took
> >> rescue
> >> workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
> >> people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
> >> !
> >> FIFTH PLACE:
> >> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he
> >> fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> >> burglarizing.
> >> Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
> >> keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
> >> floor.
> >> FOURTH PLACE:
> >> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
> >> Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
> >> revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
> >> As Ron White often says, ' You can't fix stupid.' These people prove it
> >> is a
> >> terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen.
> >> THIRD PLACE:
> >> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree
> >> in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to
> >> his
> >> lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> >> 1. His target was H&J Leather & firearms; A gun shop specializing in
> >> handguns. 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> >> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
> >> patrol
> >> car parked at the front door. 4. A uniformed officer wa! s stand
> >> ing
> >> at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the
> >> would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a
> >> target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
> >> police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE,
> >> assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom
> >> also
> >> drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
> >> Paramedics.
> >> Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
> >> shop.
> >> The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
> >> rounds from 7 different weapons No one else was hurt in the exchange of
> >> fire.
> >>
> >> HONORABLE MENTION
> >> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
> >> Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick
> >> of
> >> dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
> >> couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
> >> would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
> >> RUNNER UP
> >> TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
> >> several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had
> >> bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.
> >> The
> >> conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
> >> walkway
> >> of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
> >> discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
> >> continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
> >> cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg
> >> and
> >> the other end was tied to the bridge His fall lasted 40 feet before the
> >> cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> >> survived
> >> his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
> >> 'All I can say', said Bingham 'is that God was watching out for me ! on
> >> that
> >> night. There's just no other explanation for it.' Bingham's foot was
> >> never
> >> located.
> >> AND THE WINNER
> >> Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
> >> Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
> >> and
> >> more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up
> >> pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds
> >> of
> >> poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
> >> the
> >> ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
> >> him.
> >> 'The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
> >> Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
> >> unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> >> him'
> >> said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one
> >> there
> >> to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
> >> watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be!
> >> just o ne of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh' happens.'
> >> SEE? YOU REALLY CANNOT FIX STUPID...
